The roles of wife and mother are all-consuming, often leaving women with no idea about what really matters to them. In a sense they lose their identity when they have children. Many women I’ve worked with can tell you what they want for their children and their family much more easily than they can tell you what they want for themselves. It’s as if they don’t have the time or energy to figure it out because they are consumed with the responsibilities of being the CEO of the home. When their children grow up and leave home moms come face to face with themselves. And, they often don’t like the person staring back at them in the mirror. Years of self-neglect can leave women over-weight, exhausted, sick and sometimes depressed.
My solution–give a busy wife/mom a room of her own. If the house is so small that having a whole room is not possible, give her a section of a room that is off limits to the rest of the family.
Why give a woman a room of her own?
- she needs a place where she has complete control, a place that no one else can mess up
- she needs a place to pull together and organize the objects associated with her many projects and responsibilities
- she needs a place where she can express her creativity
- she needs a place to retreat to refuel that is calm, beautiful and organized
- she needs a place to ground herself and get clear about what matters to her
I once had a client who had all her projects piled up on the floor next to her side of the bed. That was a real recipe for sleep problems! There was no way she could sleep peacefully with piles of work-related items in such close proximity .
When I suggested that we find another home for those things she informed me that there were no rooms available for her to claim as her own. Not to be deterred, I asked her to show me around the house to see if we could identify some space that would work as her personal cockpit. We finally settled on a corner of the family room. She claimed as her own the desk and filing cabinet that were already located there and informed family members that the area was off limits to them. Several weeks later she wrote me to thank me for giving her life back to her.
Are you a woman who is unable to get clear about what really matters to you? Are you distracted by a million and one things to do, places to be and people to care for? Do you want the opportunity to have more clarity, more peace, and be more organized? Find a part of your home that you can claim as your own. Make it your own. Make it lovely. Fill it with your projects, books and precious personal items. Then set boundaries by informing family members that the space is yours alone and guard it with your life!
Others that are accustomed to spreading out all over the house may need to be reminded to stay out of your space and keep their things out of it. Do it! It’s time for you to have your own peaceful place to get reacquainted with you. It may feel selfish, but do it anyway! You deserve it! Claiming a space for you is really an act of self-love and self-respect that will make you an even better wife and mother. Go for it!