Tag Archives: children

Clear Kid Photo Clutter: Who Are You Sleeping With?

“I recommend that you remove all photos of your children from your

Remove all photos of your children from your bedroom.

Remove all photos of your children from your bedroom.

bedroom.” The woman who had hired me to do a feng shui consultation looked at me with a shocked expression on her face. “Really? Why?” “Well,” I responded, “those photos hold the energy of your children. It’s as though you are sleeping with your children. Do you want to be sleeping with your children? And, how romantic can it be with your husband when your children are looking on while the two of you are having sex?”

Once you have children, an enormous amount of energy naturally shifts to meet the legitimate needs of the children. Tending the needs of the couple can easily slip by the wayside in the busyness of childrearing and making ends meet. Even the bedroom can become all about the children.

Ideally the bedroom of a couple should be treated as a love nest, a place to honor and enjoy your relationship. 

Given that the health of the couple assures the health of the family unit, doesn’t it make sense that you devote one room to being all about the couple? Make sure that you have at least one photo of you and your spouse/partner in the bedroom. Remove all photos of people other than the two of you. Not only will your bedroom feel more peaceful once the crowd has exited the room, but, hopefully you’ll find it easier to focus on your relationship.

In the 18+ years I’ve been of helping people clear clutter and improve their lives and marriages, I’ve found that the couples with the most photos of their children in the bedroom often have no pictures of the two of them in that room! They aren’t even conscious that they’ve left themselves out of the picture.

Like my client, you may be skeptical, but I challenge you to remove all photos from your bedroom except those of you and your spouse/partner.* Make the bedroom all about just the two of you energetically. Then, look for the energy in your marriage/relationship to shift in a positive direction. Eliminating the visible energy of your children will make it easier for you to relax and be more present in your relationship.

*Most people want to know what to do with all the photos that were removed, as if the actual children were asked to leave. I recommend that those photos be displayed in any of the public areas of the home. Public areas are any other room in the house except the bedrooms.

Mom, Don’t Block Clutter Clearing!

When I work with moms and their children to help clear out and organize

Mom, let her decide what to get rid of!

Mom, let her decide what to get rid of!

children’s rooms and play areas, I often find that a child is ready to part with an item and the mom is not. I once worked with a young girl who really knew what she wanted and what she no longer wanted to have in her space. Her mother, on the other hand, was a sentimental saver who has great difficulty parting with things. I knew I could have a challenge on my hands if we all worked together.

I’ve been in that situation before. Typically the child will identify something to donate to a charity and the mother will say, “Oh, your stuffed penguin, are you sure you want to get rid of that?” At that point I usually intervene and say, “If she wants to get rid of it, let her. If it means that much to you, you keep it.” Inside I’m saying, “It’s a good thing that she wants to get rid of things. Don’t discourage that!”

Fortunately, I’d worked with this client before and had prepared her for our session by encouraging her to let me work with her daughter by myself. I assuaged her fears by letting her know we’d show her what we planned to get rid of. Working alone with the daughter, we were able to find three large garbage bags of toys and craft items to donate and two bags of trash.

My client was so thrilled by our progress that she even allowed us to close two of the bags without checking out what was going out of the house. I am fairly certain we’d have been much less successful if Mom had been involved. Her second-guessing her daughter’s decisions would have slowed our progress and would have led to the daughter either feeling discouraged or angry.

Getting Mom out of the picture was a win-win for both mother and daughter. The child was given the chance to make her own decisions, with me monitoring the process, and the mother was able to get part of her house cleared out without the usual angst and agony.

Moms, if children want to get rid of their belongings, let them! Don’t second guess their decisions! When you second guess their decisions you are teaching them that they really can’t make good decisions on their own. You are teaching them to save instead of purge! Do you really want that?

Support your children’s purging choices. If you think they may regret their decisions, quietly set items aside for a set time. If, after a month the child has not missed the items, let them go. If you cannot let them go, then keep them for yourself. Don’t let your anxiety and difficulty letting go block your children from living a clutter-free life.

Want More Energy? Clear Clutter!

Yesterday I had the honor of helping a lovely twelve year old girl, “Anna”, clear clutter from her bedroom. You may be thinking, “What’s the big deal? Why is that an honor?” It’s an honor because she welcomed me into her personal space and gave me permission to guide her in her decision-making. When I help people clear clutter, the energies in their lives shift and change for the better. It was an honor to be on that journey with her.

As we began working, Anna was reserved and somewhat aloof with me. That behavior is very common when I first begin clutter clearing with new clients. It was especially reasonable for a child working with an adult she hardly knew.

The way I work is to ask questions about the items in the room, starting with the biggest and moving on to the smallest. As we moved through that process it was fascinating to observe Anna morph from a self-contained soul sitting curled up in a little ball on her bed, answering my questions in a perfunctory manner, into an excited young colt bounding around the room gathering up items to evaluate and discard. Her shift from no energy to boundless energy was impressive.

I can’t remember the specific moment when Anna’s energy shifted. I have a hunch that it happened when we moved a small dresser from her closet to make more room for her to work in her closet. The dresser was a significant block to her being able to easily access her clothes and put them away. Moving it seemed to move Anna energetically from an overwhelmed, discouraged child into an enthusiastic young woman. From then on she worked with me with gusto, speed and focus. It was such a pleasure to be in that process with her. My challenge at that point was to contain her enthusiasm so we didn’t get ahead of ourselves in the clearing process.

In three hours Anna’s clearing transformed her room from that of a little girl to that of an adolescent. With her mother’s blessing I gave her permission to decide which items would stay and which would be donated, trashed or moved to another location. While having the right to choose was no doubt empowering and motivating for Anna, releasing huge quantities of books, toys, clothing and several large pieces of furniture was what shifted her mood and her energy. She was so relieved and excited to have the burden of too much stuff removed from her space. Anna now had room for her evolving adolescent self to grow and thrive. I predict she’ll have a great school year!

What things in your space are blocking your energy? If you have clutter, you are blocked in some way. Clear that clutter and watch your energy re-emerge. It’s worth the effort!